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Updated: Feb 28, 2023

In my 20's, I was in a relationship with someone I shouldn't have been with. My self-esteem or self worth was incredibly low, and I was not even aware it was. Because of my teen pregnancy, giving birth at only 18 years old and a unhealthy relationship, everything hit me very hard. Words of death that were spoken over my life didn't help either. I didn't have an outlet to voice both the hurt I was feeling, and the disappointment I felt in myself. I saw all my dreams diminish right in front of me. I kept those dreams in my head, not sharing them with anyone, so there was no one to continuously encourage me to take a step in the right direction.

This unhealthy behavior eventually became a habit of continuously choosing the wrong partner, which eventually showed that I did not value myself. I lowered my standards of life to suit my partner's, so that I could feel loved and affirmed. In a nutshell, I willingly gave over my emotional well-being to a man - whoever I was involved with at the time.

The boundaries that the Lord has set for us in His Word are to protect us from this very unhealthy behaviors towards self. He doesn't have those boundaries to deprive us, as popular belief dictates; instead, they're to make sure we lead a life of abundance in all areas. Satan' mandate is to destroy what God intended for each individual so when you lead your life outside the boundaries of God he has access and or legal right to do what John 10:10 says: The thief (satan) comes only in order to steal, kill and destroy. I (Jesus) came that they (us) have and enjoy life and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows). Amplified Bible

The battle starts in the mind. If we allow our thoughts to be the compass of our lives, our direction in life can be out of alignment. He wants to be our compass - the light to our feet. Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" NIV

The Word says that a man without vision will perish. I have experienced that when you don't have a healthy relationship with self, you run wild, surviving but not thriving. God’s heart for us is to thrive and not just survive.

Here are some of the questions you can ask to see if you have a healthy relationship with self:

(I recommend that you have a journal with you and write honest answers). If there are any answers that go against what the Bible says about you, your future and what God says about you; write the truth of God says and support it with scripture.

*What do you believe about yourself?

*Who are you?

*How should you see yourself?

*Who has authority over your life?

*How does He see you?

*What purpose does He have for you?

*What plans does He have for you?

*What about my past mistakes? What if I didn't start well in life?

*Where am I going in life?

*What about my life baggage?

*What hope do I have?

Don't try declaring things over yourself or saying affirmations without His Word - we can't live by bread alone. Only God' Word can sustain us through all seasons. Matthew 4:4 But Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God". NIV

Speak life (His Word) over yourself. Proverbs 18:21 : The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

The Word is inherent, and when we declare or speak it, we are declaring Jesus over our lives and situations. Your mindset changes and you start walking in and believing what His word says.

Join this challenge for 21 days:

Take 5 things that are not a reality in your life. Write them down on a piece of paper and put it where you can see it daily e.g. bathroom door, car dashboard or the fridge door, and declare the Scripture over those things for a month. See what God will do as you trust in Him with everything about yourself. Share with me any testimonies on this email and or if you need prayer please submit your prayer request on our website and we would love to pray for and with you. Find link here.



Women of Reverence welcomes our founder Lusanda Dhlamini as one of the contributors this month. Read more about Lusanda here.

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