Women of Reverence welcomes guest blogger Abigail Maré. This is her story...
My name is Abigail Maré and I turned 20 this year. I am a pastor’s kid and so proud of it! My passion, for discipling and equipping teenagers and young adults with things I learnt over the years, came from one simple revelation: We are chosen. We are the next Mary, David, Daniel, Esther and Samuel! We are the church; we are the ones going out and changing the world.
We have a mission and we need to know that we are not running this race alone.
I just came from doing a Christian gap year in Pietermaritzburg called: Destiny Leadership academy. Now, I am a Drama student at Stellenbosch University where I live in residence and attend Shofar church.
My dream is to go into full time ministry as a Drama Therapist. I want to go out and share what Jesus did for me, as well as watch young adults grow in their God-given identity. Other than blogging, I love anything to do with music: I dance, sing, play the violin, ukulele and keyboard. I am a mission addict and love people. I read, I write, I perform and I dance. (anything to explore my desire to be creative for Jesus)
My quote for life is from the book Voice in the wind, by Francine Rivers:
“I gave up what I can’t keep for something I can never lose.”
Ever felt the burning ache of someone's dismissal? As if you never existed. As if the love, friendship, relationship and time you spent together was part of some hopeful dream.
As a young girl I tasted my first rejection through friends leaving our church. After that it seemed to manifest all around me. Schoolfriends, guys, teachers, church members, social media ex. The pain of rejection heaped up, creating a thick, solid wall between me and relationships. Relationship was not a word in my vocabulary; friends were sought out and based on unemotional, stable social contact. I refrained from calling any of my acquaintances my "best friend" as I didn't believe there was someone like that for me. I thought of it as relying on God for love, where (in reality) I wasn't even convinced of His love for me. His relationship was the same: Be a friend don't expect a friend back.
What is love without God? For God is love. {1 John 4:16} But that love empowers us to love others. which I couldn't do with a wall between me and the rest of the world.
Don't get me wrong, I was socially active. I shared enough not to allow myself to prohibit others from sharing. I showed enough emotion to not be called out on being 'fake'. But then again, not everyone bought it. And my body betrayed me eventually.
After my anxiety attack when I was 16, I was severely challenged. Suddenly everyone thought I had gone mad. Suddenly I couldn't control my emotions. Suddenly it was plain for all to see. The real me came out and I could do nothing but sit in the vulnerability of being exposed. I couldn't control it, I couldn't hide it and I couldn't stand alone.
That year I met my two best friends. That year I opened-up to my parents and that year I realised that I couldn't go on walking like I did before.
Ephesians 5:21. You need to submit to one another. It is part of salvation. You cannot stand alone. 1 Thessalonians 5:11: We need to edify one another.
· 1 I needed to learn to trust. Not in men but in God. How could I open-up and be vulnerable if I didn't trust that God would be there: protecting, comforting and showering me with His love.
· 2 I needed to forgive. How could I love others with bitterness in my own heart? That is what the wall was made of: Unforgiveness. Yes, I could keep lying to myself and call it protection but that wouldn't be what God wanted either:
· A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. ~ Ezekiel 36
The hard truth is: How can God forgive you if you can’t forgive others? And linked to that…God’s forgiveness through the blood of Jesus brought Salvation.
3 I needed to become real. During this time, I loved God and spent time with Him. But I never became 100% open with Him. I kept back the "worldly emotions" I experienced as a teenage girl. And the truth of it is that I didn't even know I was doing it. I only realised I was
missing it when I spoke to my older sister and realised how many challenges she didn't have to deal with, which I did, just because she took it to God when the seed was planted in her heart. she immediately surrendered. Something I just didn't understand until I tried it: I took ALL my struggles, emotions and feelings to God. After that I could be real to others through the testimonies which came from trusting God. He REALLY never fails.
So what is the conclusion: Rejection and Adoption both cries out for victory over you. What did I learn? Adoption is the truth. Rejection is the lie. Forgive as Christ has forgiven you: It is this forgiveness that brings deliverance from living in rejection to embracing the relationship with Your Father.
What can you do? Start believing the truth. That you are adopted, loved, cherished and sought after by the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords: Jesus.
The simple truth in Salvation: Do YOU believe that God loved the world so much that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16