“She’s my BFF!” How many times do you hear that growing up? I don’t ever recall any boys I went to school with having BFFs! What is it with us girls?
From the time we are tiny, it seems that the world is a fierce, harsh and judgmental place and the sooner we can get someone to root for us only, the sooner we will be able to survive. Or is that way too deep and complex a suggestion? Perhaps girls are made for company more than boys are – perhaps because God designed us to carry life and be the first ones responsible to raise the new life we carried, we crave that "connectedness", that feeling of being needed. I don’t have it figured out – I’d love to hear your think-out-loud thoughts too.
Regardless of the reason, each of us knows the positive, life-giving, risk-taking, brave-making power that other girls rooting for us can give us. In the same breath, we have all experienced the destructive, almost death blow, shame-inducing feeling that comes when the girl(s) we thought had our backs drop us and kick us to the curb.
Yet those experiences should no longer be our lot. As soon as Jesus becomes our ultimate BFF, we should let how much He loves us and celebrates us sink in. How much He loves you and celebrates you – yes, you, the very you reading this. Sometimes we lose our individuality in “us” statements, but for every woman reading this – God wants you to know He sees you; after all, He was the first one to see you in your mother’s womb. (Jeremiah 1 vs 5).
My all-time favourite verse is Nahum 1 vs 7 (Amplified) –
“The Lord is good, a strength and a stronghold, He knows and fully understands those who take refuge in Him”.
If we allow God to be our ultimate go-to, it makes us more resilient and more able to resist the stereotypes the world tries to stick on us women. When we feel secure in our uniqueness, sure of our identity as a totally loved daughter of God, we get our confidence from His fingerprints all over us. When we believe His plans and purposes for good for our lives, no matter our backstory, we can start to live freely and give freely.
When we know that nothing can separate us from His love and how His love is boundless, we begin to confront the scarcity mentality so prevalent in our thoughts and realise that God has more than enough love, grace, provision, dreams, gifts and talents for everyone. We realise that if we cheer for our girlfriend to succeed it does not mean there is less likelihood for us to succeed. I think a lot of insecurity comes from looking too much at what other girls are doing and then comparing ourselves. Don’t get me wrong – we should be challenged and inspired. But we should not be replicating someone else’s life journey; we should be trusting God has a unique, beautiful and personal journey for each of us.
For some of us, it is easier to accept these truths. For others of us, we still have onion layers of untruths for the Holy Spirit to peel off in His time. But if we talk to the Holy Spirit often and ask Him to help us navigate our weak areas, He will faithfully and gently do so and the changes are always beautiful.
Let’s be to each other Ruths and Naomis, Marys and Marthas, and Marys and Elizabeths. Ruth was a loyal and a faithful friend to Naomi – let’s not give up on our friends; let’s work to stop bitterness creeping in. When we suffer loss or are tempted to take offence, let’s know that God sees, knows and fully understands, and He will bring restoration to our souls. Pray for an Elizabeth friend in your life, that lady you can run to and share your news with (Elizabeth and Mary in Luke 1 vs 44-45), someone who will walk with you, but even more, someone who will pray for and with you. And let’s not be stereotypical – let’s not box ladies into Marys and Marthas and judge them. We all know the cliché, “Stop being a Martha.” Yet, a couple of months ago, I was re-reading the account of Lazarus’ death (John 11) and I noticed this in verse 20 (NIV) – “When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet Him, but Mary stayed at home.” After talking to Jesus, Martha goes back and says to Mary, “The teacher is here and is asking for you” and only then does Mary go to Jesus.
What I saw when I read this is that Martha’s practical character became her strength in a time when Mary could not cope. This gave me new respect for Martha and if you take some time to read her short conversation with Jesus, you will also see her in a different light.
Let’s allow our girl friends and fellow sisters in Christ to grow. Let’s not keep ourselves or others boxed. Let’s pray for each other, celebrate our strengths, work on our weaknesses and use our weaknesses as opportunities to build humility and empathy into our viewpoints. We are stronger together, each using what God has given us, each dwelling in a body that He hand-crafted, one of a kind, for us. We gotta get free, girls. We gotta let our Father love us so we can love ourselves and love our sisters.
By Via Fick
Women of Reverence welcomes guest blogger Zenovia Fick
I’m a lover of Jesus, wife to my best friend Quintin and mother to 3 beautiful girls, Zoe, Xanthe and Zara. I love writing free verse poetry and reading inspirational writing. I’m a High school English teacher by training. I love to swim upstream and challenge the status quo in education. I have a blog that I started to share my personal journey to thrive as an educator but recently I mostly post on the THRIVE Facebook page.
Our slogan is “I teach, I thrive”.