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The woman in the mirror - by Shannon Davis

Updated: Feb 13, 2020

Along with the excitement of a new year is the stress that what you wanted to have accomplished last year and did not, piled onto all the hopes and expectancies of this year.  

After recently completing a personality quiz, I was annoyed that in fifteen questions and with the click of a button, all of who I am and have developed into over the past thirty plus years had been so accurately summed up. I thought I was an individual; it turns out the personality type I have is one out of only nine. It was in this personality quiz that my view on life was turned upside down. 

Have you ever had a moment in life where the person you have become or what you have achieved is not where you thought you would have been? Could it be time to discover why you perhaps have been stuck in a one-track minded way of thinking for years? 

Let us confront confrontation. 

Confronting this situation or person (or in my case, myself) was the game changer I was in desperate need of. Confrontation, simply put, means to either face a situation that makes you uncomfortable or to say something to someone about something they’ve done that bothers you.  

What are the feelings, thoughts or  perhaps even a scenario, where confrontation happened, and it did not end as you had hoped? Perhaps it is an ongoing, nagging conversation in your mind with that person you need to confront but have not. 

If you are avoiding all confrontation, living in a space where you feel unhappy or living in the extreme of over-confronting all situations and people, to the point where you feel a lot of your interactions with people are intense, we will agree that finding a healthy balance will bring happiness to us and those around us. 

Avoiding discussions about your feelings and thoughts, withdrawing from the situation or accommodating only one person's view all show signs that confrontation is a weakness and, unless addressed, can cause you to live an unhappy life.  Confronting is essential and can be extremely helpful and freeing if it is done in absolute love.  If you are not able to confront yourself and look after both you and those entrusted to you, you eventually will run out of excuses as to why you avoided the acknowledgment of your feelings, thoughts, wants and desires. You may lose a whole lot more than what you thought you could. The worst case scenario is that you lose yourself and simply fit into the world of avoiding, suppressing and giving all around you preference - you become bland like salt that’s lost its saltiness. To gain you back will take determination and kindness to yourself, and that’s okay. We are all called to know Christ, be known by Him and make Him known - you must discover who you are in order to let Christ be known through your flavour and your eyes. What a loss to this world if you become the person next to you; we don’t need another one of them. Jesus wants to use our flavour to show Himself to the world.  I hope these words encourage you the next time you want to fade into the background of someone else’s opinion or thoughts. And if you want to study more or exercise more or change your hairstyle, then do that. Be true to who you were created to be: it’s the only way you can truly show Christ through yourself. 

I often stand in awe of those who confront and slice directly into the elephant in the room that no one else has the guts to talk about. To these awe-inspiring people, confrontation may come a bit too easily for you. Let us look at how the right amount of confrontation can help you to gain purpose in your next season. Confronting yourself, your personality and how you view confrontation is important (if not vital) to move into more happiness for yourself too.  If you live closely to the one who avoids confrontation, you might do well to look at how they have viewed you. You may be living in a world where you think everyone agrees with you because you have made your viewpoint known, as opposed to living in a world where you can sometimes walk away, say nothing at all and feel empowered by that very ability to keep quiet. The hardest thing for you to do is to do nothing at all and that is exactly what your life might need a bit of. I thinkthe saying “less is more” might be a good game changer right there. Let me explain: letting a moment simmer can avoid regret; it can also allow others to think through their own feelings and thoughts, which, believe it or not, is vital to getting true buy-in for you. This is essential in creating a happier environment for you and those around you. There is something freeing about knowing you have purposefully given up control of your control; is there any joy in forcing an opinion when you know deep down those around are agreeing to keep the peace because if they don’t, they will regret the rapid fire that will follow their disagreement?

I have had a game changer happen in my life just by acknowledging the woman I see in the mirror, knowing I have been brought into this world and made as the personality I am. Where I want to go is really up to God, but I cannot sit and let go: there is a sense of standing up, taking ground. For some of us, this might be taking ground in silence and finding joy and victory of great worth in this. For others, this may be standing up and confronting the thoughts you wanted to supress. We can't mull over these same thoughts next year as the same person. Fight for one thing this year, and that is to be true to who you are and let those around you be true to who they are. Be kind to you and to those around you. 

Love Shannon

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