I am so amazed at God, although I have been a Jesus follower for 13 years now, He just does not cease to amaze me. I don’t know if we will ever get to a place of saying we know HIM completely. He seems to speak to me in ‘odd times and places’ these days, as if, He is saying I don’t need a set time to chat with my daughter. I am with you all the time so I can chat, drop an idea, correct you at any second. Your responsibility is always to have your ear reclined to hear my small still voice.
Maybe let me start here! When God started to download the Women of Reverence ideas into my heart, one of the resources He said He will use is blogs. I responded loudly because I am loud! No, but I am not a good writer, why would you do this to me. He replied and said, “Forgive Mr van……”
Colossians 3 vs 13 Bearing with one another and , if one has complaint against another , forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive
Matthew 6 vs 13 “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."
You see what happened in 1992, while doing my Grade 11 (Standard 9), I wrote my English essay under this Title “Cowboys don’t cry”. Our English Teacher, we will call him, ‘Mr Kind’, asked that we give our best because the marks of these essays will decide if yours will be fit for the school magazine.
The requirements for the essay were stipulated as follows:
· Make sure your essay is unique
· Have a major and clear differentiator
· Choose a title but have your own sub-title – it will guide you in your focus
· Double check your grammar and spelling
I was so excited because I enjoyed writing, not that I desired to be an author! Immediately, I chose ‘Cowboys don’t Cry’ and my sub-title was ‘Indoda Ayikhali’ – direct translation – a man does not cry! My creative juices led me to write about our Xhosa traditional circumcision with the limited information and or knowledge I have. Yes, you guessed correctly because I am a woman – I am not even a tinie winie offended by that!
Our essay marks came back and wala …..I was the highest in the grade with a whopping 89.5%. ’Mr Kind’ was so excited and looking forward to have my essay in the magazine. However, he did inform me that He will still need to chat to the School Magazine Committee and Headmaster but he foresees no problem. I was so excited, proud of myself, looking forward to my school certificate.
A few days later, my teacher asked to see me after our English lesson. With teary eyes and a disappointed face, he informed me that my essay would not be published in the school magazine after all. He told me that Mr van……., our school principal, had said it was not fair competition because you can see the essay is written by a black person and no one would have been really able to compete with me therefore it cannot be published. Mr Kind tried to fight on my behalf but he was outvoted.
When the Holy Spirit brought this up, my initial response was to deny the fact that I am still bitter towards Mr van…… You see I had not thought about this in a long time. Clearly my sub-conscious mind was still holding on to it. Same as I don’t remember my father’s funeral day in November 1981. I refused that he is gone forever; I blocked it and parked that traumatic memory in my sub-conscious mind. So my pattern of dealing with hurt was brought out to surface and under the light of God. However, our God sees and knows all things.
I obediently said it out loud; that I choose to forgive Mr van…… wherever he is today. Since that day, I have been able to write again, imperfectly so, but with a confidence of knowing in the magazine of heaven, it blesses my King.
So today, 25th of February 2020, our Lord dropped this piece in my heart and I typed away on my phone. Let the Holy Spirit meet with you through this poem!
Surrender My Daughter
I am a failure
He says I am a success
I can’t
In my Son trust, acknowledge me and I will direct your paths
What if……
Oh yes you can
Partner with me and I will exchange fear for faith
I am ugly
You are made in my image
Can I love
I dwell in you, surrender and I will make you new
How can you forgive when I rejected you
My name is forgiveness
How can you love me yet I so hate
My name is love
Don’t take you get exhausted with all that you see
Take my burden coz it is light
The world is not for you to carry on your back
Surrender oh daughter
Hard hearts I can soften
Surrender oh daughter
Broken hearts I can heal
Surrender oh daughter
Tears I wipe away
Surrender oh daughter
I leave you not nor forsake
You belong to me
I formed you
I created you
You are mine
Surrender
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