I love hosting. I take so much pride in it. From the background music playing, to the diffuser scent that will be used on the day, to the meals that I will make, it’s always been such a joy.
However, over the years, I became consumed with the several responsibilities of motherhood, pursuing a doctorate degree, leading a church site with my husband and being a full time public servant, all which needed my fullest attention. The hardest part about hosting for me was all the imperfections that came with it because, for the first time, I was NOT IN CONTROL and I like being in control of a situation. Having a toddler around the house is a guarantee that that house will not be in its perfectly clean form. As a working mom, it also means that I do not have the time to make perfect meals in many dishes and to have the perfect fragrance in the house, and music. While all these things frustrated me very much because my desire was to be the perfect host, the imperfections caused me to really focus on my guests more and the matter at hand, which was to love them and feed them.
I am very much a Martha in the Bible, consumed by the kitchen work, ensuring that everything is perfect – “worried and upset about many things” as Jesus put it (Luke 10:41; NIV). In that passage of Scripture, Mary understood that the imperfections were useless; she understood that it did not matter whether the house was clean or not, or whether the meal was that great. She understood that it was about spending time with her guests and really soaking in their presence – which, in this case, was the presence of Jesus.
While Martha complained to the Lord about her frustrations, Jesus made a profound statement: He said to Martha (verse 42), “…but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” I really believe that in loving people, we need to choose the good parts. We need to let go of the things we cannot change, allow for imperfections and just love people. THIS IS DIFFICULT for people like me because to us, the nitty gritties matter!
Nevertheless, we have to take it one moment at a time. I now embrace the fact that my house will not always be clean when hosting, that my little boy will make a mess, and noise when we host dinners, and that often I will leave my guests with my husband while I tuck him into bed because that’s now a part of our routine and how we live life. We are not perfect individuals and imperfections are definitely a part of life. There is still a lot to learn, but I want to encourage women that we do not have to be perfect to love people, to host people, and that in the imperfections, Christ still works through us.
Practical elements that women can lean into are:
Be intentional. Invite people to your home that you want to build relationships with. Choose those relationships and nurture them. Often, we invite specific leaders for Christmas lunch in our home. I say ‘specific’ because we intentionally invite those who do not have families to go home to. Since Christmas is all about family and lunch, we intentionally want to create a happy family space with those leaders.
It does not have to be the perfect meal. One thing that my husband has taught me is to invite people for dinner and feed them exactly what we would be having for dinner, that we do not have to go over budget trying to impress people, when what we actually want is to create the best possible relationships and connections. This has been amazing because it means that we host much more!
Lastly, remembering that when you invite people over to your home, they are actually coming more to see you than your “imperfect house and imperfect menu.”
We are human – we may not always get it right, but it is all about loving people and that perspective completely changed my outlook on hosting.
Love, Melba
Women of Reverence welcomes guest blogger Melba Nzimande
Melba Nzimande is married to Freedom Nzimande. They are elders at One Life Church in Pietermaritzburg. They lead a site in Imophomeni. Melba holds a doctorate degree and works in the Communications field. Her interests are writing and design. She enjoys working with young women and seeing them rise to their fullest potential.