Women of Reverence welcomes Lungelwa Mnyamana as a guest blogger.
Lungelwa "Lungie" Mnyamana is a child of God , Marketer and founder of Eminent Pearl Communications and @dear_singlemoms, a mother and youth mentor.
A passionate marketer who loves building strong brands and developing others. With over 10 years’ experience in marketing and market research where she contributed to the growth of local and international brands, Lungie decided to start her own marketing company to serve local brands and small businesses who are trying to build brands.
Lungie is a born again Christian, member and servant at Grace Bible Church. She loves God and loves worship. She believes is worshiping God through her gifts and her worship is through her blog, Life With Umi (www.lifewithumi.com ).
When not working, Lungie enjoys spending time with her son Umi, reading, watching movies &documentaries and blogging on her journey with God.
I was 6 months pregnant when I realised I was going to be a single mother. Knowing that I would be responsible for another human being all by myself brought a big shift in my spirit. I knew I could never do it alone. I sought God and asked Him to help me. I renewed my commitment to Christ. This time was a lot different from any other relationship I may have had with God. I surrendered; I still surrender, every day I am learning to surrender.
One of my early decisions I made was to strive to be better and not bitter. I asked God to help me forgive my son's father for everything I may have believed he did or did not do. Because this was a genuine decision I made myself, I thought forgiveness would come easily. I didn't know that forgiveness is an everyday thing, something you work through every thought and every experience that brings you to that space again.
Colossians 3:13 says “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against , forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” This is one of the scriptures that propels me forward.
Being a single mother is a faith challenging responsibility. When you invite Christ into your life, you think many of your challenges will fizzle away. But God does not promise us a challenge free life; He promises us that in our challenges, in our valleys He will be with us. It took a good three years of me having the wrong expectations from God to finally realize; God was not working on someone else I believed had wronged me. He was working on me as a mother who asked to depend on Him. He was working on me who called upon Him.
Whenever I was frustrated, I used to speak to myself and say "fix it Jesus" but I always looked in the wrong place for His solution. Three years in, it finally occurred to me, He was fixing it. I had given the Lord permission to work in me but I was looking elsewhere to see change. This is when the Holy Spirit nudged me and made me realize nothing was broken, what needed to be fixed was my attitude of always prescribing how things should go. The Lord wanted me to let go and let God.
Everyday has its own challenges but my attitude towards those is what God keeps working on. Everything bitter I ask the Lord how I can make better. I have come to understand that healing is a process for everyone. I have many battles I only attend to on my knees and this has also helped with my bitter to better shift.
Healing from any bitter situation is a journey. You are tested along the way. Just when you think things have fallen into place, an experience triggers you and takes you a few steps back.
● Allow yourself to experience the pain and ask the Lord to help you through it.
I think Father's day remains a strong trigger for many single mothers regardless of how they have become single mothers. Kids bring Father's day cards from school on a Friday and just as you recover from managing that conversation at home, Sunday comes and an outpouring of social media dedications reminds you and tries to pull you to a space of bitter. What often makes us bitter is not accepting a situation we are in and look to God on how we can make it better. God says, come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. When you go to the Lord with your problem, you have to be honest about your feelings and allow Him to make it better.
● Pray for wisdom
I pray to God for wisdom and listen for an answer. God gives us practical solutions. With time I have learned and seen God provide the help single parents ask for. We have God parents, mentors of all nature. When I grew up as a child I remember having a God parent who was there when I got confirmed (growing up in a catholic home) but I don't remember much of a relationship beyond the church. Years later I think about this role in 2020 and the importance of it for a child who is brought up by a single parent. The nuclear family structure has become rare in our society but God has not given up on His people, when He said, I will send you a helper, He does mean we will always have help when we ask for it. Sometimes the “church” can make you feel like you are a write off for having a child out of wedlock or being a single mother as a result of a divorce but as God’s children we know that Christ died on the cross for all men who believe , righteous and unrighteous to receive forgiveness .
● Be true to yourself and find people who will receive you as you are.
Being able to find a spiritual home that embraces you in your worse form and supports you as you find your identity in Christ is fundamental. The power of your your experience is a testimony for others. I believe that being vulnerable and sharing my journey with God as a single parent is a ministry in God’s kingdom especially in a country where 60% of children are brought up by single parents.
I reflect on my experiences as a single mother and am grateful to the Lord. Being a mother has brought me so much closer to God. I have become more vulnerable and compassionate towards others. When I am weak, I know I am strong in the Lord. My mom named my son Umikuthi (which means God is upon us).God is truly upon us.