What comes to your mind when you think of being beautifully broken? Do you even want to think of it? Some don’t and/or will not show this side of themselves: “What? Are you mad? People will think I am weak!”
We always put what will people say or think before what is important to us. Or what is good for us. We don’t think about how it will maybe grow us. However, once you get over the “what will people think or say” phase, you are able to just be broken so that you may find your healing.
I remember being pregnant for the second time, in 2006, out of wedlock. I was so “finished” – I’d reached my wits’ end. I kept thinking how I could be so stupid or careless yet again! Sitting in my GP’s room, she could see the struggle written all over my face.
She said, “I can give you one pill and it will take care of everything… unless you are very religious?” I replied, “Yes, you are right. I am very religious.” Coming from a Jesus-believing family, I knew abortion is sinful. The funny thing is I did not have a relationship with Jesus, obviously, otherwise I would not be pregnant! However, I was very RELIGIOUS about certain truths of God.
This began a journey of me being BEAUTIFULLY BROKEN, just like the Sinful Woman in Luke 7 vs 36 – 50 (NIV):
Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman
36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”
40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”
“Tell me, teacher,” he said.
41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,[a] and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”
43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”
“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.
44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
I knelt down at His feet, and cried for help to accept what I couldn’t change, and to be strong!
My then 13-year-old daughter encouraged me very much. She said, “Mom, people will always have something to say. All I know is you will be the best mom for her.” She became my partner to the Dr’s visits.
I, too, had reached a stage where I knew that only Jesus could save me from myself!
I wept as His feet, poured my heart out to Him. I did not care who thought or said what, but I knew that If I didn’t weep to Him, I wouldn’t be able to walk the season with joy, strength, hope and peace. In January 2006, four months pregnant, I too heard these famous words from Luke 7 vs 48:
“Your sins are forgiven.”
I am forever grateful!
Reflective Questions for you to ask yourself:
What “debt” do you carry in your soul?
What has prevented you from bringing your need for forgiveness?
What has prevented you from being beautifully broken and weeping openly at His feet?
Lord Jesus, help us never to be too proud or too “put together” for us to avoid weeping at Your feet. Help us to be full of gratitude for the debt You paid on the cross for us to be reconciled with the Father.
We ask in the powerful name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Lusanda Dhlamini is the Founder of Women Of Reverence.
Read the full bio here.