Women Of Reverence welcomes Mpho Mokou as a guest blogger.
Mpho is married and a mother. She is the founder of Glow Ministries, where she uses her God given gift to encourage, give hope and help build women.
She is currently working for a Christian radio station based in Pretoria as a music compiler, content producer and radio presenter. She also serves as a philanthropist, author and brand ambassador.
I grew up with an absent father.
I still remember how I would tell little lies about him to my friends at school during talks about how their fathers related to them and what they would buy and had bought them. I created my own story of him, how he worked far from home and only came back at month end and, at times, during Christmas.
There is nothing as painful as not having a present father, especially for a girl child. Fathers are the first men to validate their daughters regarding beauty, confidence and giving them love. When you are loved right by your father, you never settle for less when it comes to relationships. I have settled so much in being treated unkindly in my life, in very uncomfortable and abusive relationships, simply because I was looking for a father in every man I came across. I was looking for a Dad with each man and that also pushed some away and made them scared; I was clingy and gave too much of myself. It was a cry for help. I also struggled with relating to God as a father, because I was living with the disappointment of not knowing and having my own biological father present. You see, this turns you into a very angry person. I was bitter and ugly to be with at times. I have hurt and disappointed a lot of people, though some did not know I was fighting the absent father issue from within. I made mistakes that I am not proud of, in search of an absent father.
I also remember how I used to write little letters in my journal and prayers to find my father and be reconciled with him. It was only when I was around 27 years old of age that my father came looking for me. I did not know how to react to it or how to accept him. I was in shock, excited and looking for many answers at the same time. I remember how I told myself that one day when we met, I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. But none of that happened when he came back into my life. The pain, anger and bitterness was all gone, simply because I had also come to know God as my Father, as a loving and forgiving Father. I forgave my father – I needed to forgive him for my own sanity and my own good. There was no point in staying angry anymore. He came back, we spoke and he asked for forgiveness for being absent all those years. God also softly spoke to me regarding fathers who are unable to do their fathering duties because they themselves never had father figures around and thus they don’t know how to be fathers.
Over the years, Father’s Day became a day that hurt and opened wounds, but only until Dad and I reconciled and I began to celebrate it and understand it, and cherish every moment spent together. My father and I get along very well currently. I love him, I forgave him and I acknowledge his presence. When I was getting married in 2016, I invited him to my lobola negotiations – the thing is he might not have raised me, but he is my father and was used by God to bring me to life. I still have to honour and respect him. I believe he was uncomfortable because he felt he had failed me in the past, and wanted to be sure my family would accept his presence. They did and all went well. This experience also taught and showed him true love and forgiveness.
Are you struggling to forgive your own father? He has hurt and disappointed you. Yes, I have been there and know it first-hand, but forgiveness sets you free. It will be a struggle to worship God the Father, pray to Him and preach the Gospel when harbouring all that bitterness towards your own flesh and blood. Forgiveness is not an easy thing; we all seem to struggle with it, one way or the other, but it is worth doing and it frees you. Healing comes by forgiving others, just as the Father forgives us too. This Father’s Day, be reminded of all the good God has done for you, celebrate Him and celebrate your natural father. Create memories and make efforts to bring peace upon you and your father. Life is better lived with peace amongst one another and knowing you hold no grudges or feelings of anger towards any other person.
I know that if God was able to do it for my father and I, He can do it for you and yours too. It is such a great miracle and experience. God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly for you. Tell Him all your fears and frustrations and He will surely help you in those areas as well. Fathers are important and they make mistakes too. They have flaws and learn from their experiences. A lot of men are keeping things inside because society has labelled men as having to be strong and not cry. This leads to men making such mistakes, hurting their children and leaving behind broken families.
We live in such a fatherless generation; children are doing drugs and mothers are left hurt and broken. God can help us in this regard and heal our land. If you do not have a father figure, remember God is with you and he is a Father to the fatherless.
To all men and fathers, have a happy Father’s Day and may God help you restore the dignity of the men and fathers in our nation!
Mpho Mokou
Founder: Glow Ministries
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Email: mpho.glowministries@gmail.com